What Do I Do If My Partner Doesn't Want To Have A Conscious Relationship?

First of all, you might want to be sure that he or she truly doesn't want to have one, once he/she understands what a conscious relationship is, as it's explained by someone who is not you. With the right guidance, a good therapist or coach might help your partner see the benefits and be willing to learn some tools.

Once it has been determined that your partner is truly unwilling, it might be very challenging to have a conscious or enlightened relationship. But, it doesn't mean that it's hopeless. 

While it's true that you can't control your partner, there is much that you can do in the context of your intimate relationship to optimize the possibility for his or her growth and to do your own growing in the process. I would not suggest working on yourself in hopes that he or she will change. Working on yourself needs to be approached as having its own reward.

It's possible, although not easy, to use your relationship just as you would any other challenging situation in your life. Whatever feelings arise are your feelings. And while they are understandable, you will either grow or suffer, depending on your relationship to them. If you wallow in your feelings, blaming your partner or your relationship for your unhappiness, you have resigned yourself to a victim position. 

Resignation is not the same as surrender. Resignation has a heavy quality to it. Surrender feels light, open, and free. When you say, "Well it's just the way it is," or "It's just the way he/she is," and it feels heavy, you have entered the energy of hopelessness, resignation, apathy, and helplessness. If instead you can say, "OK. This is the way it is. What am I gonna do about how I feel about it?," you then enter the energy of courage or at least might feel a little better as you orient your locus of control back to yourself.

Again, the feelings that arise are yours. Why not spend your time and mental energy learning how to release the negative feelings and the deeper unconscious programs that might be driving them?

This creates a win-win. Because it's possible, although rare, to release your negative feelings to such a degree that neither your partner nor your relationship pushes your buttons anymore, in which case you will freer and happier as a person with fewer pushable buttons.

Your partner, on the other hand, may become increasingly uncomfortable, without necessarily knowing why, because of the vibrational shift in the relationship. Your partner may then start to take a look at him or herself or find a reason to disengage from the relationship. And while you may have some feelings about this, you can release these feelings as well, furthering your own sense of freedom.

As you are committed to your own growth and healing and feeling lighter and freer, one of the following things may happen: your partner will begin to grow and change; you will attract a partner who is ready for a conscious relationship; or neither of the these will happen but you'll be so happy that it won't matter very much.

I know that this might sound idealistic, but it's possible. I've experienced it to some degree for myself and I've observed it with clients. The main point is this: Use this situation to take responsibility for your own feelings and for learning how to release them and allow the Power that knows the way to take care of the rest.