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Sometimes, when it comes to family or certain family members, we have a tendency to unconsciously resist or push against "the way they are." This can be exacerbated this time of year with feelings about "the way it should be." We also have a tendency during this time of year to unconsciously compare "the way it is" and/or "the way they are" with the way we wish it was or the way we wish they were.
It's a core human need, and therefore perfectly understandable, to want to feel respected, loved, appreciated, seen, and safe with your "tribe" or family of origin. Unfortunately, even fairly healthy family members can have their own "stuff" and fall short in this regard. But here's a release that might help . . . Take a moment to picture a family member. Check inside your body to notice and allow whatever feelings that arise to simply come up. Then ask yourself, "Could I allow myself to resist the way this person is (or the way it is) as much as I do?" And then take a moment to allow those feelings to be there. Then ask yourself, "Could I allow myself to accept the way this person is (or the way it is) as best I can?" and simply allow whatever comes up to be there as well. Go back and forth between each statement as many times as you'd like, keeping in mind that you're not trying to force yourself into acceptance or "affirm" your way into the acceptance that you want. Instead, you are patiently allowing for the possibility of the presence of both states. The Sedona Method calls this process Holistic Releasing. Somatic Experiencing calls it "pendulation." In either case the process is the same. By welcoming the existence of seemingly opposite states (even if one is much stronger than the other) and resting your non-judging attention on each, they will neutralize, giving way to a more natural state of acceptance. Be patient with this process. Make sure you're taking time to be open to the feeling of each and simply watch what happens inside as you go back and forth.
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Lester Levenson, whose teachings inspired the Sedona Method, said that if you can feel free in relation to your family you have achieved a high level of freedom. By free he meant imperturbable - free of negative feelings, free of expectations, and free to be with them or not be with them and feel at peace.
Lester understood that our basic core programming takes root in our families of origin and much of this programming is unconscious. So when we relate to our family members we are often relating through the filter of that programming instead of who they are and who we are now. Feeling stressed around the holidays and being "triggered" by your family offers a great opportunity to release and untangle core programming. Any releasing you do with regards to your family will net you big gains and will carry over to other aspects of your life. Here's how to stay grounded and in the present: First of all, please try not to beat yourself up or give yourself a hard time if you get triggered by family members. It's very common. I still do. Secondly, see if you can do your best to stay grounded, breathe consciously, and stay present - in your own body and with yourself when you're with family. If you can, during your interactions with them, take a moment to make sure you can feel your feet and the different parts of your feet. Also see if you can feel the muscles in your chest and/or belly as you breathe. Feel them expanding and relaxing. I will sometimes sort of pinch myself (literally), as a way to remind myself to feel and be in my body. You can also repeat the word "now" softly and silently to yourself as you breathe. Simply practice this when you think of it and approach this exercise with openness and curiosity - as best you can:). |
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