Releasing Resistance To "What Is"During the Holidays

Sometimes, when it comes to family or certain family members, we have a tendency to unconsciously resist or push against "the way they are." This can be exacerbated this time of year with feelings about "the way it should be." We also have a tendency during this time of year to unconsciously compare "the way it is" and/or "the way they are" with the way we wish it was or the way we wish they were.

​It's a core human need, and therefore perfectly understandable, to want to feel respected, loved, appreciated, seen, and safe with your "tribe" or family of origin. Unfortunately, even fairly healthy family members can have their own "stuff" and fall short in this regard. 

But here's a release that might help . . .

Take a moment to picture a family member. Check inside your body to notice and allow whatever feelings that arise to simply come up. Then ask yourself, "Could I allow myself to resist the way this person is (or the way it is) as much as I do?" And then take a moment to allow those feelings to be there. Then ask yourself, "Could I allow myself to accept the way this person is (or the way it is) as best I can?" and simply allow whatever comes up to be there as well. Go back and forth between each statement as many times as you'd like, keeping in mind that you're not trying to force yourself into acceptance or "affirm" your way into the acceptance that you want. Instead, you are patiently allowing for the possibility of the presence of both states.

The Sedona Method calls this process Holistic Releasing. Somatic Experiencing calls it "pendulation." In either case the process is the same. By welcoming the existence of seemingly opposite states (even if one is much stronger than the other) and resting your non-judging attention on each, they will neutralize, giving way to a more natural state of acceptance. Be patient with this process. Make sure you're taking time to be open to the feeling of each and simply watch what happens inside as you go back and forth.