The Gift Of Fear

I am afraid of dying.
I am afraid of living.
I am afraid of all the terrible things that could happen -
things of which I have no control -
terrible things that would take away, forever,
those beloved people and things that make my life bearable,
worth living.

There.
I've said it.
And not only have I said it, but I've allowed myself to
quake while I've said it. I've allowed myself to
feel the subtle trembling beneath the layers of 
competent, gathered-up, you've-got-this self-programming.

The fact is, we don't got this:
This scary, unpredictable life will always have its way
with us, and our illusions of control only serve to add
layers of gathered-up bracing to an already braced and frightened
organism.

But fear is not a problem to be solved. Instead, it is
an energy to be lived - an energy that is as natural to
the human condition as the erratic, tail-flicking scurrying
of a squirrel, or the timid wariness of a deer in an open field
in autumn.

We are nature,
with a natural dilemma:
How do we thrive in a world where anything
can happen?

Here's how:
Face your fear. 

Now I don't mean to buck up and look at it as if
you're about to go into battle with an unknown opponent.

No, I mean settle into your body and feel how it vibrates.
Allow scary images, thoughts, and beliefs to arise. Breathe,
and feel yourself in your body as the stories swirl and
circulate and agitate, until they settle down into the one
and only true terror - your own annihilation - falling apart,
going crazy, or actually dying.

And when you hit this bottom, or maybe even before that,
you might notice a quivering sadness. It's the chin-quivering
sadness of a little child - your little childness.

Breathe, and wait with this vulnerable tenderness.
She is a miracle.
She is your salvation.
She will open you to yourself and the bands of practiced
protection will release from your heart and
through her eyes you will see the vivid perfection
of this delicate, fragile thing we call life.

Colors will be brighter.
Smiles will be sweeter.
And you will know that you are not separate
from any of it.

And while all the Its that you used to be afraid of may indeed
still happen, you realize that this isn't the point and that trying
to prevent or outsmart them was not really living, but
blocking you from the deeper truth of yourself - 
as openness, as compassion,

so good and so tender that it can survive anything -
even death.